Week Ten, Part 3 - Criminal Aftermath

Once I'm safe at a back-corner carrel in the law library, I put my head down, using American Criminal Procedure as a pillow. I’m in deeeep trouble. Crim got the bulk of my mid-term study time and an extra 45 minutes during the mock exam. If that effort equals F, then Torts and Contracts will destroy me.

There’s a knock on my cube. I open my eyes and see Anthony Wisniewski, my study partner from Contracts. He’s wearing jeans and a plaid button-down.

“Hey, man. That bad?”

“I plead the Fifth.”

“Come on, tell me! It was a mock exam.” Anthony talks like a New York cabbie, which makes me smile.

“D is for Dutile,” I say, giving myself a grade bump. “How ‘bout you?”

“Got schooled,” Anthony says. “That’s why they call flippin’ Dutile the ‘Smiling Assassin.’” He slaps the carrel wall. “But you know what? I’m gonna turn all this negative energy into something positive. If I need to, I'm willing to study 20 hours a day. Capisci?!”

I nod. “The mid-term was like finding out you’re Rudy instead of Joe Montana.”

“No!” Anthony says, “it’s like John Wayne Bobbit waking up without his dick.”

“Ouch.”

“And today!” Anthony flips open his notebook. “Take Spinelli and fast-forward to Gates. Does Spinelli the day after Gates, get decided any differently than Spinelli the day after Leon?” he reads.

“I thought Hansen gave a good answer.”

“That’s just it! I can't keep up with these guys who pull crap out of thin air!”

I cross my arms and lean back in my chair.

“And do you want more bad news?” Anthony asks.

“No.”

“A 2L told me that the final for Legal Research is a real ball-buster. You gotta know citation format for every kind of case and statute. Even weird stuff like subsequent histories. Updating. Indexes. Shepardizing.”

“Brutal.”

“We’re climbing a mountain,” Anthony says, “and we’ve got to help each other. It's in all our best interest.”

“We’ll see.”

Anthony keeps talking until I beg off to brief my cases for tomorrow. I’m not sure what type of help he’s thinking about. What I’d really like is a brain transplant from some great legal mind.

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