Week Eight, Part 3 - Curse And Beat The Ground

It’s time for my annual physical, so I leave Notre Dame Law School early and drive a half mile to the South Bend Clinic. As I wait in the examination room, I read the diploma on the wall. The random doctor they’ve assigned me is Michael A. Strzelecki, Indiana University School of Medicine.

Good Polish name, I think. In South Bend, the Dyngus Day capital of the world, the -cki or -ski suffix is a professional advantage.

Beside the diploma hangs a framed poster. At the bottom it reads: “In prehistoric times when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, they called it... witchcraft. In modern times when men curse and beat the ground with sticks, they call it... golf.”

I laugh to myself.

The doc comes in and introduces himself. He’s medium height, dark hair, maybe ten years older than I am. To my relief, he appears competent and professional. While he pokes and prods me, I ask about medical school.

Strzelecki tells me it’s four years plus another three to five as a resident. “Sure am glad to be done,” he says. “So much of what you learn is just rote memory. And 90 percent of that I never use. It might be different in law school, but I doubt it.”

“You’re a cruel man,” I say.

After Strzelecki’s done with me, I drive home and prepare supper.

Terri makes it back from Chicago at 6:00 p.m. Her business trip was mini-disaster, she says. AT&T’s regional office in Indianapolis didn’t get her the pricing information on time, so her bid was incomplete. And the person responsible for compensation questioned whether Terri’s biggest customer, an infomercial marketer, is meeting its billing requirements.

“So what’d you say?” I ask.

“I pointed out that the figures we agreed to were gross, not net. It’s right in the contract! In fact, our client is billing way over its commitment levels!!” Terri slaps the kitchen counter.

“So what’s the problem?” I ask.

"The problem is that with AT&T, you have to do everything three times! And it’s still not right!! I’ve never seen such a screwed-up company."

After supper I retreat to the basement. I need to review my CivPro notes for the mock mid-term. All told, I have 92 pages of word-processed text from the first 21 classes. Pennoyer v. Neff, our first case, seems like years ago. Unfortunately, I don’t feel like I understand it much better now than the first time through.

After two hours of working through my notes, I’m exasperated. Instead of a clear outline, I have pages and pages of undigested legalese. Unbelievable! The subject matter is too extensive to grasp it all. And I can’t even seem to figure out the must-know material. Worse, if Strzelecki is right, most of what I eventually memorize will be worthless to me as a lawyer.

In post-modern times, when men curse and beat the ground with sticks, they call it... law school.

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